


Heavy When I'm Higher

by acefusti138



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Best Friends, Bisexual Richie Tozier, Friends to Lovers, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, Non-Consensual Touching, Not between Richie and Eddie Obvs, OMC is a dick, One Shot, One-Sided Attraction, Richie is a very good best friend, Trans Eddie Kaspbrak, Trans Male Character, only at first, police are useless basically, rated E because it's intense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2020-12-24 11:04:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21098441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acefusti138/pseuds/acefusti138
Summary: All the red flags were there. Eddie just missed them; the halcyon haze dissipated pretty fast when his date goes from acceptable at best to one of the worst days of his teenage life.And Richie is there. Just like he always is, to scoop him up and pick up the pieces. Finally, Eddie realizes that maybe Richie is one more sign right in front of him that he completely missed.





	Heavy When I'm Higher

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE note that this fic's tags are there for a reason. Notes at the end will explain, but basically this is kinda a coping fic based off of when I was assaulted last year. If you don't wish to read such things whether it be triggering or in general not your cup of tea, either don't read or be careful. If you wish to skip the scene itself, it starts at the (!) and ends at the (!!)

High hopes never really turn out what you want them to be; not when you’re trapped in a car with someone who is _not _who you thought they were.

That much was true for Eddie Kaspbrak, at least.

The drive from his hometown of Derry, Maine to Bangor wasn’t long. But that was only when half of the highway wasn’t clogged with traffic— the aftermath of an overturned semi that had crashed through the barrier from the south, rolled through incoming traffic and pinned two other cars underneath it before stopping. The driver had been pinned underneath his vehicle, and even _hours _ after the whole ordeal started, traffic was no faster than it had been at seven A.M. than it was at eleven A.M. 

The only reason it was even known to Eddie Kaspbrak, at the moment, was because the traffic was dragging out what he hoped was going to be a good date into the insufferable end before it had even started.

For fuck’s sake, it had been _forty-five _ minutes, and his date, Jake, had already managed to completely turn Eddie off of every reason he’d even accepted the date in the first place.

For starters, the guy, who’d originally stated he was going into the army reserves, which Eddie could respect, was actually going directly into the Navy from high school. The kid was only an incoming senior, and despite Eddie being only eight months older than him, he was thrilled about being able to brag about having _his _new boyfriend being older than him.

Just because Eddie was going to be a college freshman within a month didn’t mean he liked being labeled as such. 

He wasn’t some exotic trophy, for fuck’s sake.

Second, Jake hadn’t let on much about his family at first. Eddie had worked with him a year prior at a local amusement park, and at the time, Eddie had been struggling through the emotions of transitioning and coming out to those around him. Jake had been kind until a family emergency struck and he’d ended up having to quit. Turns out, the whole reason for the lack of information on the guy’s family had been because, to Eddie’s horror, that they supported just about everything he full-heartedly renounced and disapproved of.

Guns, _ very _heavily religious right-wingers. Sure, Eddie didn’t want to assume, but when the guy had explained that a friend of his was building him an AR-15 so he could join the police force as well; Eddie had felt bile churning in his stomach.

That was the first of _ many _times he wished he could be out of the car and off of the date. 

But that wasn’t even the worst of it.

… **(!)**

He had been plinking around on his phone when it started. Messing around with the AUX cord, trying to get his music to play instead of this whatever-the-fuck slam poetry was playing from Jake’s phone. Jesus, who the fuck listens to _ slam poetry _on a first date? 

Traffic was crawling, barely at five miles an hour, and Eddie was getting antsy. Leg bouncing, teeth gnawing on his bottom lip, picking at the dead skin around his cuticles. He had to be at work soon— A little mom-and-pop bakery his mother loved that he had managed to get a job as a baker and cashier. Sure, he had already texted the owner and explained he was stuck in traffic more congested than a sinus infection, but he was hoping it wouldn’t result in him being too late. Which was why, when Jake’s palm landed on his bare thigh at first, he thought it was a comforting gesture. A soothing notion to help calm his anxiety over possibly being late to work for the first time in his otherwise pristine career. Sure, the owners didn’t mind, had been fully aware and understanding thanks to his previously spotless record, but _ still_. It was a principle kinda thing— Being late once could mean they might think he could make a habit of it, which he never would.

Hell, he was so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he didn’t even hear Jake speak the first time. “Eddie?” Oh, shit, right. He was still technically on a date.

“Huh? Yeah, what’s up?” Eddie turned to look at the taller man.

“You doin’ okay? You’re all quiet,” Jake said, still stroking at his thigh to help soothe him.

Eddie let out a deep puff of air, sighing and raking a hand through his hair, reveling for a moment in the small comfort of the fact that it was _ short _ now. “Yeah. I’m fine. Just like, stressed, y’know? About work. I didn’t think traffic was gonna be like, _ this _ fucked,” He explained.

Jake nodded along, bobbing his head and stroking at the smaller man’s soft thigh. “Yeah. Sorry, if I had known it was gonna be this jacked, I would have gotten us off at that last exit and taken the loop around,” He said, his hand drifting a little farther up Eddie’s thigh.

Eddie paused, looking down at the other man’s hand on him. It had seemed to be a comforting gesture at first, but now his works shorts were slowly but surely being pushed up, already a little too short for his taste. He had been waiting on an opportunity to get some longer ones when Target went on sale this weekend, but now he was wishing he had bitten the bullet and spent the extra eight bucks to get the longer khakis a week ago. “Y-Yeah,” He said slowly, swallowing down a little. It was fine— Jake had known about his limits, right?

“I think I know a way that could pass the time a little faster,” Jake said, his eyes still on the road and missing how Eddie’s heart dropped to his stomach then both began to try and crawl up his throat.

“What?” Eddie managed to get out, his body tensing when a sun-warmed finger pushed up his shorts, now closer yet and stroking over the apex of where his thigh met his hips.

“Yeah. I mean, nothing stopping us. You said you don’t get messy.”

Eddie wanted to gag, wanted to push away, before a voice in his head reminded him that they still had probably another half hour of traffic that they were stuck in together— That this asshole had his army backpack in the backseat with god-knows-what in it— Most likely a knife or two. Not to mention he was a gun nut. Fucker could have something far worse in his immediate disposal. “I have to go to work in these,” He finally said lamely, feeling his hands shake as he opened his phone.

“Yeah, but like I said, no mess. It’ll be fine— Just to help take the edge off,” Jake seemed completely unaware of Eddie’s inner distress, still watching the road and crawling along while his hand finally passed the barrier of Eddie’s boxers.

“Y-You should focus on the road— I told you I don’t like messing around after last year, neither of us has the best track record when it comes to driving as it is,” Eddie said, his heart pounding now and nearly making him sob when a finger began to stroke over his dick, massaging and stroking the little nub until it was hardened. Jake was just gonna keep going.

“It was raining and you hydroplaned, man. And my thing was because I was in such a rush to get to the hospital that I blew a red light and got t-boned,” Jake said, finally turning to look at Eddie. Eddie’s face had gone red from shame and embarrassment, but Jake seemed to take it as a good sign, one finger still stroking at Eddie’s cock while his free fingers moved down to his entrance, parting the folds and starting to nudge a calloused finger into him.

Eddie bit back a sob, the noise garbled and weak in his throat. “That’s not the point,” He tried weakly, “I-I have to go to work,” He said again.

“Aw, c’mon, Eddie. Live a little. It’s fine,” Jake said. Eddie felt his mind scream back _ No, it’s not! _ but all he could manage to get out was a weak whimper.

“Focus on the road, at least,” He pleaded, Jake at least obliging that request and turning his head back to focus on the crawling traffic. Eddie could see the flashing red and blue lights from the accident probably five to ten cars ahead and knew they were almost out of the thick of it. Not like it mattered. There was no way he was gonna be able to go to work now. There were still fingers touching him, touching him when he didn’t want them to be. He had made it clear he wasn’t comfortable with being touched when he still wasn’t fully comfortable with his body yet at this stage in his transition, and yet, here this fucker was, trying to finger-fuck him in a car.

What he hated more was that his body was reacting— Responding to the touch and starting to dampen and open up, despite his internal pleas to stop, please, he didn’t want this. “God, I hate you so fucking much,” He managed to choke out a few minutes into the ordeal, his voice all breathy and choked from fighting back tears and unknowingly making it sound like he was joking in Jake’s eyes. 

Jake laughed. “I know you do, babe. That’s why I’m helping,” He said, a second finger managing to make its way into Eddie and making the smaller man jolt and immediately shake his head— The hormone therapy he was taking had left him not really able to ever get more than a single finger inside of himself, not that he ever really wanted to put anything in himself in the first place. Now, _ more _ than one finger was pushing into him, his body simply not able to lubricate itself the way it used to and leaving him all but writhing in pain. Both fingers were already bigger than his own as it was, and now they were tearing him open without a second thought.

Eddie did sob this time, clutching his phone and shaking his head. “I-I can’t take two— Seriously,” He whimpered, “I-I can’t get wet like that anymore— Jake, please,” He croaked desperately, pretty sure that if he had already started bleeding, he was definitely going to now. Thankfully, Jake honored his request, pulling the second finger back out with a small ‘sorry’ and going back to using just the one finger to keep inside of him, the other still stroking at his cock. 

Eddie had never felt more humiliated in his life.

By the time they finally passed the last of the traffic, Jake had managed to work Eddie unwillingly into a shaking mess— Eddie wanted to kick and scream at his traitorous body as he felt his orgasm starting to burn in his gut, hot tears burning in his eyes and another strangled sob escaping him as he finally came. Jake pulled his fingers away, satisfied, and Eddie sat there, panting and sniffling and nearly suffocating in his own head. “I hate you so much,” He whispered, still struggling to catch his breath and feeling more anger burn furiously in his chest when Jake just laughed again and wiped his hands off on his shirt.

“I know you do.” 

… **(!!)**

Richie hated when Eddie went on dates. He was protective of Eddie— And for good reason. He had been the smaller teen’s best friend since the sixth grade; He had taken one look at the tiny brunet that had just moved to Derry that very day, and, when Greta Keene had come over to him before lunch to ask if he wanted to sit with her at lunch, decided that he was gonna save his little Spaghetti. He marched over, told Greta to piss off, and when she just turned her nose up at him and tried to tell him to go away, he did what his little ADHD riddled mind told him to do— He bit her on the arm. Greta had screeched in horror and rushed off to the teacher, leaving Richie with Eddie, who had seemed rather awestruck by the whole thing.

“Hi,” Eddie had squeaked.

“Hiya! I’m Richie Tozier, but you can just call me Richie! Hey, do you wanna sit with me at lunch? I know this super cool place back behind the big tree in the courtyard that looks like a scene from a movie!” The rest was history. As Eddie later admitted to Richie, Richie had basically been his awakening into happiness, his gay awakening honestly. Of course, when he came out as transgender in his junior year of high school, Richie had been more than accepting. He still remembered the long nights of Eddie sobbing to him about his chest starting to develop, about how he just felt wrong and like something was amiss. How he hated the name he was born with— How he preferred when Richie called him Eds instead of Edith. 

Richie had been more than happy to help his best friend feel more comfortable in his own skin— Saved up money to get him a _ proper _ binder instead of those horrible Ace bandages that Eddie had used for a short time. He started calling him Eddie and made sure everyone who tried to call him otherwise got the personal tornado of hell that was Richie Tozier when angry. He knew he loved Eddie. He probably had known from the moment he had met the boy in sixth grade. Which was why he hated Eddie going on dates— He didn’t want Eddie to get hurt. If Eddie was with him, he knew Eddie was safe.

It made his heart plummet all the harder when Eddie texted him only twenty minutes before he was supposed to be at work. He knew Eddie’s work schedule because he would often stop in and get a cookie or a snack for himself before he went to go lifeguard at the Derry Public Pool. 

**Spagh-Eddie <33:** _richie can u come pick me up from hte park pls?? _

Richie paused. Eddie almost never texted like that, especially not if he was supposed to be driving to work right about now.

**Trashmouth Raccoon Man: ** _ yeah bb what’s wrong?? arenmt you supposed to be going towork rn???_

**Spagh-Eddie <33:** _smthng came up inm gonna be late for work can yuo just come pick me up pls??? im sorry i was ion a date_

Richie frowned. Something seemed seriously wrong— Eddie was texting wildly, the way he usually did if he was laughing or full of emotion while texting. He was gay; of course Eddie was a keyboard smashing little gremlin at times.

**Trashmouth Raccoon Man:** _ yeah bby ill be there in ten minutes. u sure ur okay?? _

**Spagh-Eddie <33****:** _ pls jhst be here _

Richie swore he had never booked it to the public park just behind Eddie’s house so fast in his life.

…

“Why are we headed to the park again? I thought you had work?” Jake asked as they pulled onto the exit ramp of the highway and back towards the heart of Derry.

“I texted my manager about the traffic,” Eddie said, his emotions a little dulled now from the ordeal, “She said it was fine. Said we were dead anyways and I can be there at 2:30 instead of 2,” He explained.

“Oh,” Jake nodded, “Makes sense.” Eddie just went quiet again, going back to fucking with the music until he managed to find a song that blared just loud enough to calm his raging insides. “Oh shit, you like Bring Me the Horizon? I love this song!” Jake said, Eddie just giving a weak smile.

“Yeah, _ Sleepwalking _has always been one of my favorites by them. I listen to the instrumental when I fall asleep sometimes,” Eddie said softly. As the song blared and left his eardrums all but shaking, he felt a little calmer— A little less dirty. By the time they pulled into the parking lot of the park, filled with cheering groups of kids in what must have been the summer camp Derry held for a few days each summer, Eddie felt his heart throb in relief as the car finally pulled to a stop and he could see Richie’s car.

“Hey,” Jake said, jolting Eddie from his reverie, “I had a good time today.” He said, unbuckling his seatbelt and leaning over the seat to cup Eddie’s face. Eddie felt his body go stiff in terror again, body pounding to the beat of his heart.

“Me too,” He lied, clutching to his phone and small backpack again.

“Good. I was a little worried there earlier. You got all quiet afterwards. It’s not like you to be quiet all the time,” Jake said, Eddie just forcing a weak smile.

“Yeah, sorry— I just got tired. It’s been a while,” Eddie said, feeling his phone buzz with a text from Richie and using it as his excuse to pull away. “Shit— That’s my ride. Sorry, I texted my best friend to come take me to work. He works near my job and I promised him we would go get ice cream after we get off work, so he’s gonna take me to work.” He explained, praying to whatever god there was that Jake would buy it.

Thankfully, Jake nodded. “Yeah, makes sense. Well, hey, I’ll text you later?” He said, Eddie nodding and giving another forced smile.

“Yeah. See ya later,” Eddie replied, only to go stiff when Jake pulled him close and kissed him on the lips once more before pulling away with a wave. The smaller man gave a croak of a laugh and a quick ‘Bye’, making sure he had his things before all but bolting out of the car and over to Richie.

“Hey, what’s going on—?” Richie didn’t even have time to finish his sentence before Eddie was hopping into the car.

“I’ll explain on the way.”

…

Richie should have known something was seriously wrong when Eddie didn’t even fight over the AUX cord in his car like he usually did. The smaller man had just pleaded for Richie to get them out of the park and Richie had done so, Eddie finally giving a shaky sob once they were out of the parking lot. “Eddie?” Richie started, seeing tears streaking down his best friend’s cheeks and immediately pulling into the parking lot of a nearby gas station, leaving the car running but putting it in park. “Hey, hey, what’s wrong? Please, Eds, I need you to tell me what’s happening,” He said. Eddie just burrowed his head in his hands, pulling his legs up to his chest and revealing a small stain on the inner thigh of his shorts. The dark crimson was an immediate click into place for Richie, who knew Eddie stopped having his period a year ago thanks to the hormone therapy. “Oh fuck,” Richie whispered, turning the car off and unbuckling his seatbelt so he could try and gather Eddie into his arms. “Hey— Hey, bubba, hey, it’s okay. I’ve got you,” He soothed. “Here— Come to the back seat. I’ve got you,” He kept reassuring, Eddie just nodding clumsily and just barely managing to stumble into the back seat and immediately bolting into Richie’s arms, sobbing loudly into his shoulder.

“I tried to tell him I had work,” Eddie cried, “I tried to tell him! B-But he’s an army guy, h-he could have had a gun or a knife a-and I wasn’t about to fuckin’ find out if he did!” He wailed, rocking against Richie’s chest to try and find some inkling of comfort. Richie was just sitting there in mute horror, watching as his best friend of almost eight years broke down weeping as he let the true pain and anger of his assault wash over him.

Richie was furious. He cradled Eddie against his chest, whispering soothing words, sweet nothings— _ Anything _ he could do to calm down the smaller man, he did. “I’m so sorry, Eds,” He whispered, tears burning in his own eyes with barely-tamed rage, “I’m so, _ so _ sorry.”

Eddie couldn’t respond beyond a strangled little gurgle in his throat, still clutching to Richie like a child to their favorite stuffed teddy bear. He was shaking so badly that Richie almost didn’t feel the smaller man’s phone buzzing at first, finally grabbing it just so he could get the annoyance out of the way before he saw who was calling. Eddie’s manager. “Shit,” He hissed, opening the call and sighing quietly. “Hello? …. Yeah, yeah, I know, I’m not Eddie…. Yeah, yeah, no, no, he’s uhm— Yeah, I don’t think he’s gonna be able to come in today Mrs. Foley… No, no— No, something happened. He’s not hurt— Well, not like, hospital hurt— Yeah, yeah, I’ll have him call you when he can explain.. Yeah— yeah, I’m the guy who always comes in when he’s working. Yeah, the one with the curly hair and glasses— Yeah. Yeah, okay. I’ll tell him. Thank you, buh-bye.”

Eddie peeked up from Richie’s shoulder, eyes all bloodshot and puffy red. “Who’wuzzat?” He croaked, sniffling as Richie cupped his cheek and stroked it soothingly.

“Your manager. I told her you were… Going through some stuff and wouldn’t make it in today. She said that was fine, just to call her when you were doing a little better,” Richie explained, shifting a little and moving the usual crap he tossed in his back seat to the side so Eddie had a bit more room to wriggle and curl up against him. They had done this all the time in study hall senior year— Eddie would take a nap in Richie’s lap or fuss on his phone, usually just babbling and annoying his best friend so Richie had an excuse not to do his homework. And Richie had loved it— Eddie had always fit in his lap and loved having his back rubbed, having his hair played with and loved playing hooky with him ten minutes before the final bell rang and they would lie about going to the restroom so they could go to the senior parking lot and go get food to beat the afterschool traffic.

“Oh,” Eddie whispered, voice raw, “W-What am I gonna do, then….? My Ma’s still home, she’s gonna know somethin’s up if I come back,” He mumbled.

“Well, first thing we’re doing is getting you to an urgent care. You’re bleeding, Eds. Then we’re gonna have them call the police and see if we can get this guy,” Richie said firmly, stroking Eddie’s back and brushing the hair out of his eyes. 

“But I didn’t ever tell him no,” Eddie mumbled, “The police won’t do shit.”

“We won’t know unless we try.”

…

In the end, unfortunately, Eddie had been right. The police took the statement, made a report and promptly halted it when Eddie responded if he had told the other boy to stop with a ‘no’. Derry was still ass-backward about the whole fact that not giving explicit consent meant the same as not consenting. It had infuriated Richie, and Eddie just gave up. He knew it was a fight he wasn’t gonna win, not today at least, and instead just opted to block Jake on every platform and outlet he could possibly think of. He kept all the texts, but he didn’t want to think about it anymore. When the urgent care let them go, Eddie now bandaged up and in some new, clean clothes, Richie took him out for ice cream, stopping at a nearby UDF to get two pints of triple chocolate fudge ice cream for Eddie and him to eat before taking him back to his house.

“You didn’t have to do all this, Rich,” Eddie mumbled, currently curled up on Richie’s haphazard bed and trying to ignore how messy his best friend’s room was. His mom had tried to instill her severe agoraphobia into him, and when he was a kid it had worked, but now, he just didn’t feel it as much. Things still grossed him out, he still kept all of his things religiously clean and organized and he still had way too much hand sanitizer in his fanny pack to be legal, but he didn’t fret over every possible thing like he used to. 

Richie just shrugged, turning on his shitty little Roku TV and opening up Youtube, humming to himself before turning on Buzzfeed Unsolved. “Don’t care what I have to do. I _ want _ to do this for you, Eds. You deserve nothing but love right now, and I’m gonna make sure you get it,” He said. He knew Eddie’s mom probably wouldn’t give two shits about what happened to Eddie— Since he had come out and gone on T, she basically had disowned him, only allowing him to be in her house because if he up and left, she would probably have some sort of complete mental breakdown. 

“Thanks, bubba,” Eddie mumbled, resting his forehead on Richie’s shoulder and opening his pint of ice cream, starting to dig into it while he watched the episode playing on the TV. For a while, it was just quiet between them— Eddie inhaling his ice cream and weak laughs escaping him as Shane taunted demons and Ryan freaked the fuck out over his own shadow. He still seemed very visibly drained, still had a puffy, swollen face and still looked to be about ready to break down sobbing about, but Richie seemed to have been anticipating that.

He knew he loved Eddie. He would keep him safe, keep him loved and happy and away from such things as long as he could.

“Bubba,” Eddie mumbled about four episodes in, his ice cream now finished and body sluggishly nestled against Richie’s own, “‘m tired… ‘m gonna take a nap,” He said softly, yawning and nosing his head into Richie's neck.

“Alright,” Richie nodded, turning the volume on the TV down, “Here, you wanna borrow my blanket? Promise it’s the new one you got me for my birthday,” He said, his heart fluttering when Eddie smiled. 

“Better not be your jizz one or I’ll beat your ass,” The smaller man laughed softly.

“I thought I told you that one got destroyed?” Richie laughed, grabbing his blanket and wrapping it around Eddie, who promptly snickered and shook his head.

“I can still smell it from a mile away. You probably just buried it in your backyard or some stupid shit,” Eddie rolled his eyes, only to blush as Richie kissed his forehead. “Thank you for helping me,” He finally said, his arms looping around Richie’s torso, “I… Don’t know what I would do without you in my life,” He mumbled, digging his head a little deeper into Richie’s shoulder.

“You know I’d do it a million times over, Eds. I gotta protect my little Eddie-Spaghetti,” Richie hummed, only to blink in surprise when Eddie peeked his head up and looked up at him. He opened his mouth to speak, make some stupid joke to make Eddie laugh and keep the atmosphere gentle and tame when Eddie’s lips were suddenly crashing against his own, the smaller man at this point clutching to him and making it clear that he wasn’t messing around. 

“You better promise to that,” Eddie whispered when he pulled away, his face flushed again and body nestling closer to Richie’s own, “I know we always tell each other we love each other ‘cause you’re my best friend, but… I really do love you Rich. And don’t try and spout some stupid shit, either,” He said only to be cut off by a similar kiss right back.

As seeing he _ wanted _the kiss this time, Eddie easily melted against Richie, looping his arms around the taller man’s neck and snuggling up against his chest again.

“That enough proof for you, Eds?” Richie asked softly, Eddie nodding immediately, “Good,” The taller man smiled in relief, “‘cause I don’t think that you’re gonna be able to get rid of me from now on.”

“I don’t wanna get rid of you, bubba,” Eddie reassured, lacing his fingers together with Richie’s own and giving him another tired but loving smile. “You’re the best person in my life that I could have ever asked for.”

Richie’s heart, despite the heaviness still weighing it down at the fact that his best friend had been assaulted and hurt, fluttered higher again. “I should be saying that to you, Eds.”

“Then say it,” Eddie giggled, bumping his forehead back against Richie’s own again.

“How about I just say ‘I love you’?” Richie hummed.

“That works too.”

**Author's Note:**

> as i said, this is kinda a coping fic for me. it's based off of exactly what happened, down to my best friend coming to save me afterwards. if you dealt with something similar, know that i understand your pain, i feel for you and you are 1000000% valid. stay safe, loves<3


End file.
